The Cottage

March 14th, 2008


The Cottage

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In a remote part of the countryside, a bungled kidnapping turns into a living nightmare for four central...

Release Year: 2008

Rating: 6.2/10 (6,532 voted)

Director: Paul Andrew Williams

Stars: Andy Serkis, Reece Shearsmith, Jennifer Ellison

In a remote part of the countryside, a bungled kidnapping turns into a living nightmare for four central characters when they cross paths with a psychopathic farmer and all hell breaks loose.

Andy Serkis - David
Reece Shearsmith - Peter
Jennifer Ellison - Tracey
Steven O'Donnell - Andrew
James Bierman - Bouncer
Cat Meacher - Club Receptionist
Danny Nussbaum - Man in Suit
Logan Wong - Muk Li San
Jonathan Chan-Pensley - Chun Yo Fu
Simon Schatzberger - Steven
Doug Bradley - Villager with Dog
Dave Legeno - The Farmer (as David Legeno)
Katy Murphy - Farmer's Wife
Georgia Groome - Farmer's Daughter 1
Eden Watson - Farmer's Daughter 2

Taglines: Sleeps six bloody comfortably.


Official Website: Official soundtrack site |

Release Date: 14 March 2008

Filming Locations: Isle of Man

Box Office Details

Budget: £2,500,000 (estimated)

Opening Weekend: £303,072 (UK) (16 March 2008) (260 Screens)

Gross: £598,221 (UK) (23 March 2008)

Technical Specs


Did You Know?

According to director Williams, Tracey was originally written as a 40-year-old character but, to get the finance, he was told to cast someone young.

Continuity: When David drives to the nearby village to make the phone call he parks his car facing the opposite direction he is to return. After the call and after his encounter with the village folks he returns to his car and drives off without reversing his car. The car was automatically reversed.

David: She alright?
Peter: She's still unconscious.
David: That's chloroform for you.

User Review

Serkis in undeniably the star of this film

Rating: 7/10

Director Paul Andrew Williams wanted to "write a film that cost no money and was all set in one place". And the first sixty or so minutes stuck to this agenda pretty well; Two brothers kidnap the daughter (Jennifer Ellison) of a wealthy man, he sends out two crazy Chinese guys to kill them, nerdy brother Peter (Reece Shearsmith) looses the all important mobile phone and older hard-man brother David (Andy Serkis) swears a lot, all in the confines of a deserted cottage. The dialogue is just about snappy enough to keep this interesting. Not much to be said for the camera work – but it does kinda add to the atmosphere. And then they end up in another cottage and the blood bath begins.

It's pretty obvious why they cast Ellison: she has big bouncy boobs and her harsh liverpoodlian accent is juxtaposed perfectly with her blonde hair and Barbie doll face. No one really cares that her script rarely ventures beyond words too rude to publish here – the camera generally focuses on her chest/backside with the occasional headbut thrown in. Shame really; I was hoping she'd amaze us all with her diverse acting talent, but I guess it's a case of you can take the girl out of Brookside but you won't get an amazing actress out of a soap star.

Serkis in undeniably the star of this film. The perfect gangster with a heart, his sincerity and charm kept me watching throughout. I'm not entirely sure why he chose to do The Cottage – perhaps, like me, he was hoping this would be one of those rare things; a funny independent British comedy. But unfortunately it just felt like Williams had taken The Chain Sore Massacre and Hot Fuzz, cut out the best bits, stuck the leftovers in a blender and then forgot to cook it properly.

By all means go see this if you like blood, guts and rolling heads, just don't expect any intellect in the script.


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