Plot
A scientific expedition sets out for Borneo to seek a flower called the Blood Orchid, which could grant longer life. Meanwhile, they run afoul of snakes and each other.
Storyline In New York, the ambitious Dr. Jack Byron and his associate Gordon Mitchell present the research of his assistant Sam Rogers to the CEO and board of directors of a corporation to sponsor a scientific expedition to Borneo. The objective is to find a flower, Blood Orchid, that flourishes for a couple of weeks every seven years and could be a fountain of youth, prolonging the expectation of life of human beings. They are succeeded and once in Borneo, they realize that it is the raining season and there is no boat available to navigate on the river. They pay US$ 50,000.00 to convince Captain Bill Johnson and his partner Tran to sail to the location. After an accident in a waterfall, the survivors realize that a pack of anacondas have gathered for mating and their nest is nearby the plantation of Blood Orchid, which made them bigger and bigger.
Writers: Hans Bauer, Jim Cash
Cast: Johnny Messner
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Bill Johnson
KaDee Strickland
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Sam Rogers
Matthew Marsden
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Dr. Jack Byron
Nicholas Gonzalez
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Dr. Ben Douglas
Eugene Byrd
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Cole Burris
Karl Yune
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Tran
Salli Richardson-Whitfield
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Gail Stern
Morris Chestnut
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Gordon Mitchell
Andy Anderson
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John Livingston
Nicholas Hope
-
Christian Van Dyke
Peter Curtin
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Lawyer
Denis Arndt
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CEO
Khoa Do
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Lead Lopak Hunter
Aireti
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Lopak Hunter
Andre Tandjung
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Bartender
Opening Weekend: $12,812,287
(USA)
(29 August 2004)
(2905 Screens)
Gross: $70,992,898
(Worldwide)
Technical Specs
Runtime:
USA:
Did You Know?
Trivia: Nerida Tyson-Chew's score was nominated for Best Soundtrack Album at the 2005 Screen Music Awards (Australia).
Goofs:
Errors in geography:
Monkeys, parrots, parakeets and the anaconda itself are all native to South America, not Southeast Asia where the movie is set.
Quotes: Gail Stern:
[seeing Bill's boat for the first time]
I've seen subway carts in better shape than this!
User Review
A movie that exists for no other reason than to be the butt of our mockery.
Rating:
Bring the crackers because mama, this movie is bringin' the cheese! If there
has ever been a more culturally diverse group of no-name actors to brave the
jungles of Borneo then I'll end my movie reviewing career right now (future
users of the Alan Smithee pseudonym applaud). All right, I've kept this
secret, but I actually sat in on a production meeting for Anacondas and
here's how it went down:
"Annoying black dude who just screams the whole time?"
"Check. But let's put a tough black dude in there as well. Don't wanna be
accused of stereotyping."
"Good idea. Who is Morris Chestnut?"
"Well, we thought it was a brand of chewing tobacco, but he's actually who
we're gonna use as our tough black guy."
"Oh, OK. How about a Latino woman with an unnecessarily bad
attitude?"
"You mean the J-Lo wannabe? Check."
"Good. Did y'all find that tough-looking Asian guy?"
"Check. It wasn't easy, but we found one with a mullet."
"Perfect. That'll alert everybody that he's not one of those brainy Asians.
How about a blonde babe with a thick, fake Southern accent?"
"Check. She's from Georgia, but her accent sounded too realistic. We told
her to fake it up."
"Good job. And I saw that you found a white European male, but how about the
protagonist?"
"Oh, you mean the muscular white guy with a 2-day beard growth and husky
voice? Check. He's in wardrobe right now having the sleeves on his tight
shirt rolled up."
"Perfect. Just don't forget the tattoos. Now how about somebody who's
actually famous?"
"Um, well, we don't exactly have that. But hey, we've got everything else!"
And that, my friends, is your cast. Some other guy of some sort of foreign
descent was thrown in there as well. He looked like Gregg Rainwater from The
Young Riders. He died soon enough, so it doesn't really
matter.
My money says you really won't care about anybody involved in this
production. Well, I did like the southern girl. She was pretty hot. But why
do producers insist on accents being so fake? Her accent dwindled as the
movie went along. She eventually was only accenting about one word per
sentence, but by the climax she started fakin' it up with reckless
abandon!
And I'm sure plenty of girls will think Johnny "Five O'Clock Shadow" Messner
is pretty hot, but for the most part you'll spend the first 10 minutes of
the movie picking which characters you want to see swallowed whole by a
giant anaconda. My first choice was the Jennifer Lopez wannabe. When B-movie
characters like her prance around with a huge chip on their shoulder, I
usually pray for some sort of creature to sneak up and bite that chip right
off. Along with the entire shoulder.
This is one of those movies that relies on every cliché in the B-movie book.
In other words, you can expect a whole lot of stuff like a door opening
slowly and then something jumping out while a loud noise is made. And since
this is a "creature feature," by definition a lot of the action takes place
at night, in dark caves and in water, with only flashlights to light the
way.
Dialogue is expectedly bad. We're treated to such intellectually-challenged
exchanges as: "What's wrong with this picture?" "You're in it." And it's
mostly dominated by Messner's Michael Paré-esque line delivery and Eugene
Byrd's banshee-like screeching. It's funny up to a point, but eventually you
start looking at your watch and thinking, "OK snake, it's time to eat this
kid."
The CGI looks a little goofy at times, but most of it is well done thanks to
the wise decision to hide the flaws with darkness and water. If you're
wondering how this compares to the original Anaconda, well, the two really
have nothing to do with each other except for presence of an anaconda. The
first movie had famous people in it, this one doesn't. However, this one
does have more anacondas! It's been 7 years since I saw the original, but
I'm pretty sure it's the better of the two.
My biggest complaint is that Anacondas wasn't cheesy ENOUGH! If you're gonna
be bad, then go as far out on the cheesy limb as you can go! Instead of a
blood orchid, their research should've discovered a rare, Indonesian banana
that held the secret to long life. Then once it was discovered the anacondas
were eating these things and living forever, one of the bad actors could've
deadpanned, "What are these things? Bananacondas?" BWAHAHAHAHA! Man, I
really need to start writing screenplays for intentionally bad
movies.
And I've said this before, but I'll say it again. Since "versus" movies are
the current sequel trend, they should've dug up Harrison Ford (it's been
four years since the guy had a hit), given him the Jack Ryan moniker again,
and given *us* Jack Ryan Vs. Anaconda: The Hunt for the Blood Red Orchid in
October. He could've been the guide for the scientists, and when one of them
started whining he could've cracked, "Traveling through Borneo ain't like
dusting crops, boy." Then he would've looked into the camera and winked.
It'd have been awesome and you know it.
Oh, and let me leave with a word of advice. If a bad guy is standing near
the edge of an anaconda pit, and he's holding a gun on one of your
colleagues, but his back is to you, then please, for the love of all that is
holy, instead of whimpering like someone forced to sit through a post-1987
Corey Feldman movie, stand up and kick the guy in the pit.
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